rum and coke

I went to a party last night. Didn't know a soul so I lingered by the bowl of chips.

"Nice meeting you, who do you know here?"
Smile. "I'm his girlfriend."
"OOOOHHHH."

We stuck around only a few hours, me pushing him to talk to his friends while I found something to do to pass the time. Square pegs, round holes, I knew this was the situation before the night even started. Our worlds always collide with such strong force. I wonder if I could ever take him to a party with my AE friends. Those kids play hard with shots and smokes of all kinds. On New Years, everyone was so fucked up but laughing so hard.

This has been one fucked up week and I am constantly dreaming of any other place but here.

an everlasting love

I don't think I'm capable of writing anything beyond this depressing dribble which in turns makes me a bit sad. Oh, viscous cycle, how you repeat and destroy me so easily. This might be another failed attempt but I'm only good for melancholy and some infinite sadness. Well that and making music references. Which I've come to discover I can hardly make around the current boy in my life because he's a nerd of the endearing type. Denouncer of the emo scene, lover of the sci-fi, and an engineering major to boot. I know how to pick them. What broke my emo heart was my declaration of love for Zack Morris today and his response of "Who's that?" Slap to the face, much? At that point, I felt something tear apart inside. That could have been my soul crying. Or dying.

before i knew of this poem, there was me

Stars, Songs, Faces
Gather the stars if you wish it so.
Gather the songs and keep them.
Gather the faces of women.
Gather for keeping years and years.
And then . . .
Loosen your hands, let go and say goodby.
Let the stars and songs go.
Let the faces and years go.
Loosen your hands and say goodbye.

--Carl Sandburg