Spring awakening

"and the wildflowers that grow beside the tracks
wobble wildly on their little stems,
then gradually grow still and stand
motherless and vertical in the middle of everything."

Ground me.

With all the time that has passed, I've been doing what everyone else has: living. I've been moving forward with progression and I'm trying to be okay with all the changes in my life. I've been doing what you all have been doing: making mistakes, growing up into an "adult," and realizing that everything is just perspective. A patient brought me flowers yesterday: a dozen yellow roses. All I did for her shouldn't have amounted to such compliments: I told her that she would be okay, that shit happens, etc etc etc. But perspective, right? Maybe she found some comfort in those words.

I've been tired of these changes too and it's worse when they're happening physically as I can watch the metamorphosis. Good or bad? Into a butterfly or a creature of Kafka's imagination? I don't know.

Unsettling, full of doubt, and restless.

So put me back in to the ground and let me sleep until after spring. April showers. May flowers. June gloom. Wake me up then so I can see where the earth has transformed and let me accept everything after that happens.

Til then...

Dear B,
We're waiting for you with some excitement, some fright, some anxiety, and some preparedness. And when you come, just know that we were waiting in sheer anticipation for what you will bring to our lives. And we'll be okay, I know it, because you will be the change for us. Good or bad? It's all up to you, kiddo.
See you soon and love always,
C