Love is a place

I like life and currently enjoy all the things that make my world go topsy-turvy. Friends, family, boy(s), and being a faghag. Instant realization of that last one today while making dinner. Final acceptance as well. Still, wonderment exist of which one I am: Grace to their Will or Karen to their Jack?

Could this good vibration be the result of the earthquake today, ala Ghost of the Future/Scrooge type of deal? Could be, but I still feel miserly and would probably hit anyone crossing my path in the knee with my cane.

Seriously, life is good.

EPIC!

If I were a gay icon, I'd so make "epic" the next "fierce." I think we should start a campaign on it. Why? Because it'd be so epic. Or how about: that dress is epic.

Amazing!

Farewell my salad days

I'm looking for a certain truth, one that can confirm for me that there is forever. And if not forever, then at least an epic end worthy of its crash and burn demise. Not some slow fade. I don't know if it's because I'm a protege of the MTV generation or because I've been listening to way too much Nirvana and reading too many quotes by dead poets who remind me to burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars. Whatever it is that's prompting me, I am searching for that girl who will stand tall, whose voice won't waver, and who can walk away because it's time. I want to be her with the shaking knees and the numb fingers as the words scrap scratch claw her throat for release and the tears are silently waterfalling. In all her misery, she'll move forward. She'll remember to breath. She'll remember to take that first step. And the misery will only last for so long before she gets bored of it. So if you see this girl, let me know. I want to tell her thanks for being here and standing brightly by without holding my hand but still whispering all the right encouraging words.

Legitimate Vampire

I started learning how to draw blood this past Monday and by learning, I mean, actually drawing blood. It's as easy AND as hard as I thought it would be. Easy in the sense that the needle goes in the vein and out comes blood into the collection tube. It's harder than I thought because of all the smaller details you have to recall. So far, so good. I mean, nobody's passed out on me yet.

San Diego Pride is this weekend and I'm ridiculously excited about going and I'm not even sure why. It might have do with hanging out with some of my favorite people, some of whom I haven't seen in six months. It could be the fact that I'm just glad to see people because I don't have friends in LA anymore and have resorted to hanging out with myself the last couple of weeks. The third idea could be my excitement to wear a dress I bought last Friday. Oh, the blender of ideas and how it's all coming together. Everything's coming up Milhouse.

Wait, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

First page among others

My new found auntdom has brought me into uncharted territory that I don't care to ever map. My sister and her fiance can be the cartographers for this adventure. All my niece does is eat, sleep, and poo. Not a very hard life. It'll be one we'll all be accustomed to in half a century. So Jenna, meet the Internet. Internet, this is Jenna, aka Jenna Bean and Jen-jen.

As obvious, I must be an aunt in name only (see image to the right). But this aunt will sing you Weezer songs instead of lullabies and tell you Greek myths stories instead of fairy tales. I also do Asian folklore, if you're asking.

What amazes me, is how much I'll be able to tell her when she's older. Such as how her dad freaked out in the delivery room, how her grandma was a cross hair away from craziness during the pregnancy, how I suggested a colorful array of rejected names. These events have stemmed from only the last few months and this kid has years to grow and million more stories to relive. They say a woman becomes a mother when she's pregnant and a father realizes he's one when he hold his child for the first time. So what about me, Aunt Cam? That was my epiphany: becoming a ledger for her history that she can open at any time.

Nature of the Experiment

The following things have been bothering me as of late:

1. How does one measure self-worth? Or rather, how is it measured at all by anyone's account? Thoughts of "you deserve better" or "i don't deserve you" or even the "you're worth so much more than that" makes me wonder. It has me bothered, perturbed, disturbed. Most of all, I'm annoyed that some set of scales and balance has to be attributed to my own wants based on someone else opinion. It's ridiculous in some heartbreaking way.

2. Where will the next step in my life take me? Planes, trains, and an ocean away prompts the big picture. I'm still working on the smaller details but I'm afraid that I'll find some new place to call my own and then never look back. Because I wouldn't be surprised at all if I never came back to LA after tasting some foreign forbidden fruit. It's the idea of the leap from one skipping stone to the next that have frozen my jump mid-crouch like some ache in my leg that won't pass. How I wish I could just take that step without guilt or worry.

3. Ticketmaster can also suck the big one. It can also do a lot of things that could be described as "expletive" because I would just write a string of dirty things. I can't believe they now charge five dollars for an "order processing" fee in addition to the other inane fees. And that they can get away with it. If Ticketmaster had a human shape, I'd drop kick it in the face among other things.

And my things to do list that isn't a bother but still need to be crossed off:
-sign up for either a Portuguese, Spanish, or Japanese class
-check to see if any one of those languages are UN/WHO needed
-find someone to go the Faint concert with me
-make sure that person will not stand around with arms folded but will dance like a proper marionette to the music
-buy tickets to Prague/Berlin/Dublin/I still need to figure out which city I'm flying into
-buy new jeans
-figure out where I'm going to be for July 4th? SD or LA?
-suppress the urge to travel north to see my best friends and crawl into their beds and sleep for an eon until the smell of cupcakes wake up me and then we'll watch bad movies like the Covenant or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (but not Princess Diaries 2 because that would be the same as torture)