fragile and thin

I almost wished he would say I've been eating for you but that would make us more attached and dependent than ever. More than I want, more than I want to handle. For a week, I walked around the arctic east and each day, I sorely missed some boy on the sunny west coast that my heart ached. It ached not for him, but because of him. I don't want someone else to complete me, I don't want to believe that I'm not whole unless I'm with him. So for a week, I mourned what I was while entranced by big city lights. I have become dependent on him because I want someone to understand the inane trials I put myself through. Now I'm starving for affection and utterly angry that I don't know how to be whole on my own accords. But I'm working on that eating thing, so I'm not falling apart in all areas.