Sunday, April 26, 2009

World News

The world is crazy place and South East Asia is a crackpot capital for crazy regimes. I've been moved to pieces by what human nature can do. Anyone recall the march of the monks in Tibet? Or the floods in Thailand and the government's refusal for aid? Well, the Fijians are the next in line for regimes that deserve awards for stupidity. In short, the Man has shut down all manner of relaying political news to the people. In return, the media has done the following:

The television news bulletin was canceled and the next day the Fiji Times appeared with blank columns with "This story could not be published due to government restrictions" written across them.

The rival Fiji Post tried a satirical approach, reporting on what staff had eaten for breakfast on the front page.


Oh, Dictator Voreqe Bainimarama, you silly rabbit with your silly lock downs. And what's with this swine flu business? I'm beginning to think vegans are exacting their revenge on the world by attacking commonly consumed meat. First the avian flu, now swine? What animal is left? Fish? I'd say beef, but we've got Mad Cow Disease for that. The funny thing about this new epidemic is my newly fueled enthusiasm to join the World Health Org or the CDC. So far, mild cases have been noted in all affected countries but Mexico, where's it been most fatal. I feel like I could Nancy Drew the situation and find out it was Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the lead pipe. Or at least pull a "Eureka!" when I discover the polluted water supply producing tainted food for the pigs. Which Colonel Mustard could have had a hand in because we all the Romans went a little crazy (and dead) from know lead pipes.

In conclusion, I had no idea that Colonel Mustard was alive during the Roman Empire until two sentences ago. Why am I not pursuing a doctorate in history? I'd be an awesome professor!

Babe, I've got you

God bless the new stalker tendencies of Facebook. I just discovered that my friend of a friend is expecting his first kid. And our mutual friend? He's going to be a Dad in a few months as well. I'm not a big fan of my current stage in life as people keep getting knocked up (outside of my workplace, that is) or getting married. A person truly enters their mid 20 when wedding invitations are followed by baby shower invitations. It's really scary. And pessimistic.

It's almost inspiration for me to settle down--HA!--but then I remember how much I don't like children, marriage, or first dates. All of which I would need to do if I want to play wifey. Sometimes, I feel left behind in this rat race: find the one, tie the knot, buy the house, have the kids, etc. I'm huffing and puffing as I try to accomplish the first leg of the race while others are strolling towards the finish line. Is that fair? No. But I never assumed it would be. And I understand that completely. Perspective. I'm a big fan of it. I'm sure my married/soon to be married friends will tell me that life is just as difficult for them and I'd agree. Different priorities, different responsibilities.

At the brittle age of 24, I've decided that I don't want to get married or have kids, which kinda knocks me off of the True Blue stage. I think if I also said I was gay, I would totally go against the grain of all things "expected." (But that's a whole different subject for another day.) Children are an obstacle to impromptu vacations and keeping odd sleeping hours. And those happen to be two things I value in life. Again with the perspective, okay? As for marriage, I channel Debbie Downer. It's a legal facade for two people as the only good thing I see from "marriage" is the tax break. Good-bye single filing, hello joint filing and bigger tax refunds. It's all so pomp and circumstance with the ceremony, reception, planning, and outfits. Ideally, I'd find the One and we'll leave it at that. The End.

5 Things I would use my kid for and/or 5 Reasons I wouldn't be a good parent:
1. Panhandling to help out their unemployed/lazy mom
2. Loaning my kid to my single, desperate friends who need help picking up girls
3. Human sacrifice, in case kittens just won't sate the Great Demon Lord
4. An organ bank for when my own organs start to break down
5. Coasters, because someone has to keep those coffee tables stain-free.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Recap

Five things I've forgotten about Coachella until I was at the festival:
1. Obviously, the heat. The overwhelming, must find shade or I will die, oh God is this what the pits of hell must feel like heat.
2. Wandering into a random tent will lead you to finding your favorite new band.
3. Everyone is SO nice. Probably because they're on a lot of drugs.
4. Looking for your car among thousands of other cars at 1am is the worst game of Marco Polo ever. Hooray for the panic button on my car remote!
5. No matter how skimpy you think you're dressed, there will always be someone with a little less clothing than you. Re: Man in the Speedo.

Four unexpected things that happened this past weekend:
1. Missing Conor and nearly all of Franz Ferdinand because it took two hours to travel 2 bloody miles and getting mad at the disastrous parking situation to the point where I was crying. Good times. Not.
2. Having a mild heatstroke, twice! Goodbye vision and hello nice damp ground.
3. Listening to Leonard Cohen's "I'm Your man" in one ear while Morrissey is singing "This Charming Man" in the other. It was a Twilight Zone for the audio senses.
4. Meeting David Hasselhoff!

Three of my favorite sets:
1. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
2. Fleet Foxes
3. Late of the Pier
4. By default, Franz Ferdinand would be on this list even though I didn't see them because I know they would have put on a good set.

Two Moments that will define Coachella 09 for me:
1. Leonard Cohen's performance of Hallelujah and the mesmerized crowd.
2. Paul McCartney tearing up at the dedication of My Love to his late wife.

One thing that will never change:
The stupid Coachella Conor Curse. It's 3 for 3 years now. So I suppose the world can survive another day as he and I won't spawn children of the apocalypse. Kudos, Fate, you've screwed me over again.

So, Coachella 2010, anyone?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Coachella Gods are dead.

Mother of god!!!! Third year that I'm being screwed over to see Conor Oberst at Coachella. It's ridiculous to the point where I think the world is against me and Conor ever locking eyes and falling madly in love for fear that our children will usher in the Apocalypse, or at least write terrible pop songs that no person should ever be subjected to. Let's see what previous (and soon to be previous) years have forced me to choose between:

2004, Conor versus Air/Muse.
2005, Conor versus me having a ride home because he was the last act of the night.
2009, Conor versus Franz Ferdinand.

I mean, COME ON! It's Franz FREAKING Ferdinand! They're the love of my dancefloor life! The odds are constantly stacked against me each year that it doesn't make sense anymore. I'm going to sulk underneath my desk at work now.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

God save the queen!

Okay, I suck at this blogging thing. Strike that, I really, really, really suck at this blogging thing because I'm no longer an angst-ridding 16 year old girl who believes the world hates me and I'm condemned to a life of misunderstandings by anyone over the age of 30, therefore I have to spend 15 minutes every day writing about the terrible and at times gasp-inducing moments of my life. Instead, I grew up to be a 24 year old girl with bad sleeping and eating habits and who has a freaking good concept of "perspective." I also grew up to be a girl with a run-on sentence problem, but that's neither here nor there. Rather, it's a "I suck at grammar forever" issue. So my consolation to myself is to keep a weekly list of things and see where things go from there. Here's this week list, and in no particular order:

My Top 4 Biblical Moments
1. When Michael fought Lucifer, which gave rise to the concept of good and evil, archangels, fallen angels, and epic tattoos.
2. Noah and his ark, which must of had some secret compartment to Narnia or how did he fit two of every dinosaur? Have you not seen a T-Rex? They're huge!
3. Adam and Eve chilling in Eden with polar bears, lions, and alligators like it was an every day occurrence, which it actually was for them.
4. Cain and Abel, the first recorded tale of sibling rivalry and source of my favorite biblical quote, "Am I my brother's keeper?"
5. The Rapture, it just sounds cool and a constant reminder of people's paranoia.

I like the Bible, which I even capitalized to show how much I like it. Only I'm a fan of it from a very non-religious stance. Broken down in base terms, I think it's a very good book with very interesting plots. Taken out of Christian theology, the bible is filled with epic stories. For instance, the destruction of a city? Parents using their children as sacrifices? Lion dens, murder, a whole lot of this "begetting" issue, and a civil war in heaven instigated by a former angel? If you were to fictionalize that last one, you would have a really keen tale of two ex-friends (Michael and Lucifer) at war with each other to keep their sides from fall apart, a ruler who stands on the edge of events and watches it unfold, and a war with sword fights and crossbows. There's probably a lot more to that but I haven't read that verse in detail.

I'm not even going to explain myself any further because that would probably lead to a lot of people getting angry at me or not willing to see things from where I stand. Hey, remember the 24 year old girl with the good sense of "perspective?" She's backing away right now and just wants all to know that she's currently reading Paradise Lost, so that list stems from 2am reading of prose.

Till the next week, now to ponder what list I'll write up then. (I'm also noting the odd factor of this list being posted on Easter Sunday.)