Penalty Kick to My Heart

It's a game, so why am I so upset? Grown men run across a giant grass field, passing a small ball between each other and hope it goes into a net. So why was I holding my breath and praying and making promises to the FIFA gods?

I have no idea.

But twice, TWICE!, the USA team has left my heart in shambles that I don't even know where the pieces are. And Ghana, you are on my black list.

So breath. It's been a grand tumultuous ride since the 2007 qualification games, and I'm sorry for calling you so many names Dempsey. 2014 will be around the corner before I know it. So boys, see you then.

Group of Death!

Brazil v N Korea: The last 20 minutes of this game were insane and I spent most of it on the edge of my seat. I hope the Korean goalie was Man of the Match because those were damned good saves. Aside from that, I was sorely disappointed by the first half of this match. Brazil, you are supposed to be a top seeded team but what happened? Was it the altitude? Or opening game nerves? Because you and many other teams have been playing so poorly!

Cote D'Ivorie v Portugal: Ronaldo should be given Tim Cahill's red card. I have no idea what was going on with the Uruguayan referees because there was moments when yellow cards should have been given and moments when they were undeserving. That was one of the sloppiest games I've seen so far. It was highly aggressive defense from the midfielders but once in possession, butterfingers! Or butterfeet!

And how did they allow Drogba to play? You have a fractured arm! Fractured! Arm!

Ahhhhhhh!!!

Is it July 11th yet?

This is delirium

Dear FIFA,

For the next few weeks, you and I are one. I wish we had a symbiotic relationship where give-and-take prevails, but let's be honest: This is sado-masochism through and through. I need you more than you probably need me so I'm willing to wake up at godforsaken hours for your matches, spend about 7 hours in the front of the TV, or create multiple flowcharts with my predictions. I will do all of these things, but if I'm going to be up at 4:30 am, then don't give me the reach around. Remember the semi-final game between Germany and Italy back in 06? You don't, FIFA? I do. I was on my knees in a frozen shocked state. I might have even cried. Double overtime and Italy slips Germany a roofie for a 2-0 win. I am still in frustrated shock to this day.

So, FIFA, you owe me. You owe me brilliant matches where I am cheering myself hoarse. You owe me solid defenses and grand offenses. You owe me fair refs, re: Tim Cahill and his undeserving red card. You owe me sleep. You owe me better commentary than the shit ESPN is sprouting on the radio as I drive to work. Half of the time, I had no idea what was going on during the Uruguay/France game because your commentary was beyond lackluster. I hardly knew which team was in control of the ball until someone attempted a goal. Then it's hurried description.

So Fify darling, I'm yours till July 11th. Just please, please, please don't blueball me all along the way. Give me some action, love.

Sincerely,
Cam

P.S. Fuck you France for your last match against Ireland. I'm glad you played so terribly against Uruguay.

P.P.S. I am so impressed by South Korea and Japan this year! You warmed my Hello Kitty, kimchi eating heart. North Korea, I laugh at the fact that you qualified. Oh, and your coach is nuts.

P.P.P.S. Germany, you may be a mismatch team of veterans and babies, but that was a massacre on Sunday. A bloody, beautiful massacre. Please have the same amazing offense against Serbia and Ghana.

P.P.P.P.S Denmark, I will not even comment. I will suggest that Poulsen and Kuyt go hang out with Robert Green.

P.P.P.P.P.S. When we reach the sudden death round, I know it's going to be GER/US. When that time comes, I don't know who to root for. My adopted Deutschland or underdog homeland? Ahhhhhhhhhh, that will be a heartbreaking game no matter who wins.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. GOD I LOVE THE WORLD CUP!