This is delirium

Dear FIFA,

For the next few weeks, you and I are one. I wish we had a symbiotic relationship where give-and-take prevails, but let's be honest: This is sado-masochism through and through. I need you more than you probably need me so I'm willing to wake up at godforsaken hours for your matches, spend about 7 hours in the front of the TV, or create multiple flowcharts with my predictions. I will do all of these things, but if I'm going to be up at 4:30 am, then don't give me the reach around. Remember the semi-final game between Germany and Italy back in 06? You don't, FIFA? I do. I was on my knees in a frozen shocked state. I might have even cried. Double overtime and Italy slips Germany a roofie for a 2-0 win. I am still in frustrated shock to this day.

So, FIFA, you owe me. You owe me brilliant matches where I am cheering myself hoarse. You owe me solid defenses and grand offenses. You owe me fair refs, re: Tim Cahill and his undeserving red card. You owe me sleep. You owe me better commentary than the shit ESPN is sprouting on the radio as I drive to work. Half of the time, I had no idea what was going on during the Uruguay/France game because your commentary was beyond lackluster. I hardly knew which team was in control of the ball until someone attempted a goal. Then it's hurried description.

So Fify darling, I'm yours till July 11th. Just please, please, please don't blueball me all along the way. Give me some action, love.

Sincerely,
Cam

P.S. Fuck you France for your last match against Ireland. I'm glad you played so terribly against Uruguay.

P.P.S. I am so impressed by South Korea and Japan this year! You warmed my Hello Kitty, kimchi eating heart. North Korea, I laugh at the fact that you qualified. Oh, and your coach is nuts.

P.P.P.S. Germany, you may be a mismatch team of veterans and babies, but that was a massacre on Sunday. A bloody, beautiful massacre. Please have the same amazing offense against Serbia and Ghana.

P.P.P.P.S Denmark, I will not even comment. I will suggest that Poulsen and Kuyt go hang out with Robert Green.

P.P.P.P.P.S. When we reach the sudden death round, I know it's going to be GER/US. When that time comes, I don't know who to root for. My adopted Deutschland or underdog homeland? Ahhhhhhhhhh, that will be a heartbreaking game no matter who wins.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. GOD I LOVE THE WORLD CUP!