Another Innocent Girl

My sister is a whore. Okay, that's a little harsh. I think my sister COULD BE a whore. So we insinuate the second time around. This assumption arose from talking to her two minutes ago, I think she's on her third boyfriend since January. How the hell does she get around so much while I wallowed on one?

The other girl in the office may have a crush on my roommate. MAY HAVE. I think it's cute and sad at the same time if it were true but I have this small inkling of a feeling that she knows better. But we'll see how this unfolds in the weeks to come. But if worse comes to worse, at least some one will tell her the truth. If only Fernie had told me that Ryan was gay last summer, I still wouldn't be kicking myself in the face every time I walk into the Eagle and see Ryan. Awkwardness? Yes. It was so weird to be back at AE last Friday because I used to be at that place 12-25 hours a week. When I was about to walk out, I waited at the entrance for a few seconds before I realized that I didn't have to be walked out by a manager. That place trained/brainwashed me well. Bitches.

(The Stills were correct. So far, Christina: 1, Charles: 1 Hint: 3 batteries. And no googling these song titles/lyrics. Go stare at a database band names or ask for more hints.)

Gender Bombs

There is pain in moving furniture and boxes of books that weight around 50-60 pounds. I think I bent with my back and not with my knees. Tomorrow's possible shooting pain down my back will confirm this notion. I had time to kill so I unpacked a few boxes of clothes until Ryan and Raymond came home. And the following conversation took place:

Ryan: Uh-oh, there's a girl living here now. The toilet seat has to be down now.
Me: Good, now I don't have to post up a note reminding you all of that.
Ryan: Well, you should look before you sit.
Me: Touche.

That is one issue out of the way, now to always remember to bring a towel with me when I shower. Because it's not like I can sprint from the bathroom back to my room.

Today's band isn't that well known but if you're well versed, fish in a barrel. Hint: Canadian logic that will break your heart.

need you so much closer

1 brand new pair of pink shoes
2 bad movies watched this weekend
3 boys to share my summer apartment starting this Wednesday when I officially move in
4 more days until I go back LA (Gack!!!)
5 weeks until I get to hit Ed and ask, "Why are you hitting yourself? Stop hitting yourself."

And who's upset the Brand New concerts are sold out this summer? ME. I was going to throw myself at Jesse Lacey and promise him that I'll never leave him, assuming he'll still be able to write songs and sing them to me for years to come.

Aside from that, I think I'm going to quote a band for each post until I start school. You can play along. Hint: DCFC.

My parents drove all the way to San Diego from LA this morning to hand deliver my new glasses because I broke two pairs in less than a week. Crazy parents. I've lost my emo creds with these glasses. Ah well. Black frames, how I will miss thee. Aside from that madness, I celebrated Solstice with a few friends by eating and playing one too many rounds of 20 Questions. I've (sadly or gladly??) got intellectuals from friends because who in the world would use Roman Emperors or US Senators as categories. But the most incredible thing of all this entire summer so far, all two days of it, was Baskin Robbin's 31 cent scoops!!! Madness!! With one dollar, I sated my greed with two rainbow sherbert sugar cones and bought one for my friend Guy. Again, madness!

PS I also just bought a 24 pack of ice cream sandwiches. Am I over doing the ice cream thing? Never.

Today's my first full day off in about a week and just laying my bed with my laptop on my stomach feels so good. No work. No school. No cramming. Nothing. The boyfriend left earlier this morning for home, so I'm already wishing August were here so we can be conjoined at the hip and do stupid, silly stuff. Sometimes I realize I'm too awesome because how many girlfriends do you know that would hug you goodbye and whisper in your ear: Smell you later.

Finals week revelations

1. Food and sleep are not important.
2. 10+ page papers can be done in one sitting, just not recommended.
3. Facebook is the most evil invention EVER.
4. Anything and everything can become a distraction.
5. The only form of light you receive comes artificially.
6. No matter how many times you say "I'm so fucked!" it still does not change the fact that you are fucked indeed.
7. Scattergories is an oppressive game.
8. If you are tired enough, sleep can be induced anywhere. Floors included.

This is an ongoing list, by the way.

speak in half truths

In two weeks, it's back to the fishbowl and I don't know if I'll survive with my sanity in tact because after nearly three years of life in the open sea, I can't swim in a place bound by glass walls.

Someone cut the ripchords please.

When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep and you're never really awake. No, you're some manic creature convinced you're a member of the living dead. And at this witching hour, with heavy eyelids but a still rapid moving mind, you stare at white walls and wish there was another living soul as sleep deprived as you are. I think I'm a night owl, by some default. And there should be somebody awake at four am to tell me to go to sleep. Or at least to suffer alongside me. But hey, it's only 2:30 am right now, let's hope that I finally feel tired by three.

Except we all know I won't be considering my sleep pattern for the past couple of nights. In an act of desperation, maybe I'll study. Ha.

A series of unfortunate events today culminated in my current miserable state and in this final decision: I don't want to be that book anymore, that boomerang, or that reoccuring dream.

Or at least, that's what he taught me today.

Always second best, in whatever I do and whatever I touch. And all the little things add up until I wish I could just break free. I don't know why I expect him to understand, especially when I say nothing as if my silence should have been the first hint. Yes, I am upset and angry but he'll never know because this silence hides well.

Always second best, not because I'm not good enough but because there will always be something of more importance that I fall behind.

And all I want now is happiness for you and me.

I'm trusting the words of the great lates. Yea, Elliott, you and me both, baby. You and me both.