Saturday, July 05, 2008

First page among others

My new found auntdom has brought me into uncharted territory that I don't care to ever map. My sister and her fiance can be the cartographers for this adventure. All my niece does is eat, sleep, and poo. Not a very hard life. It'll be one we'll all be accustomed to in half a century. So Jenna, meet the Internet. Internet, this is Jenna, aka Jenna Bean and Jen-jen.

As obvious, I must be an aunt in name only (see image to the right). But this aunt will sing you Weezer songs instead of lullabies and tell you Greek myths stories instead of fairy tales. I also do Asian folklore, if you're asking.

What amazes me, is how much I'll be able to tell her when she's older. Such as how her dad freaked out in the delivery room, how her grandma was a cross hair away from craziness during the pregnancy, how I suggested a colorful array of rejected names. These events have stemmed from only the last few months and this kid has years to grow and million more stories to relive. They say a woman becomes a mother when she's pregnant and a father realizes he's one when he hold his child for the first time. So what about me, Aunt Cam? That was my epiphany: becoming a ledger for her history that she can open at any time.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Nature of the Experiment

The following things have been bothering me as of late:

1. How does one measure self-worth? Or rather, how is it measured at all by anyone's account? Thoughts of "you deserve better" or "i don't deserve you" or even the "you're worth so much more than that" makes me wonder. It has me bothered, perturbed, disturbed. Most of all, I'm annoyed that some set of scales and balance has to be attributed to my own wants based on someone else opinion. It's ridiculous in some heartbreaking way.

2. Where will the next step in my life take me? Planes, trains, and an ocean away prompts the big picture. I'm still working on the smaller details but I'm afraid that I'll find some new place to call my own and then never look back. Because I wouldn't be surprised at all if I never came back to LA after tasting some foreign forbidden fruit. It's the idea of the leap from one skipping stone to the next that have frozen my jump mid-crouch like some ache in my leg that won't pass. How I wish I could just take that step without guilt or worry.

3. Ticketmaster can also suck the big one. It can also do a lot of things that could be described as "expletive" because I would just write a string of dirty things. I can't believe they now charge five dollars for an "order processing" fee in addition to the other inane fees. And that they can get away with it. If Ticketmaster had a human shape, I'd drop kick it in the face among other things.

And my things to do list that isn't a bother but still need to be crossed off:
-sign up for either a Portuguese, Spanish, or Japanese class
-check to see if any one of those languages are UN/WHO needed
-find someone to go the Faint concert with me
-make sure that person will not stand around with arms folded but will dance like a proper marionette to the music
-buy tickets to Prague/Berlin/Dublin/I still need to figure out which city I'm flying into
-buy new jeans
-figure out where I'm going to be for July 4th? SD or LA?
-suppress the urge to travel north to see my best friends and crawl into their beds and sleep for an eon until the smell of cupcakes wake up me and then we'll watch bad movies like the Covenant or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (but not Princess Diaries 2 because that would be the same as torture)

Monday, June 09, 2008

Preggo Eggo and other modern-day metaphors

So the last few months, my life has been like the movie Juno sans the cool soundtrack (but I don't think I would want Sonic Youth soundtracking my life because, honestly, their albums was just a bunch of noise). But the "witty" dialogue was there and so were the "characters." My mom went batshit crazy around the end of February and tried to convince my pregnant sister to go to Vietnam to have the baby so that no one in the community would know. When that fell through, she tried to convince me and my sister to rent a house for the two weeks before and after the due date. Basically, we were supposed to hide out. My dad went into overdrive paternal mode and built an additional wing to the house so that the construction would mask the disappointment. And by wing, I just mean another bedroom and joint bathroom. My youngest sister Winnie (the nonpregnant one) went into hyperdrive aunt mode and was ready to leap oceans for her new niece.

Five hours ago, my sister gave birth. And new life has appeared. My first words to the baby? "Holy shit, you're real." My next few words? "You are so small, and the world is so large but everything will be okay." My mom's reaction was a mix of cyncism and confusion: "What are you talking about? The baby isn't small, she's 8 pounds." And things will be okay, they always turn up fine in the end after the chaos, unexpected twists, and overbearing hills are passed.

Goodbye, frightful anticipation for what unknown outcome will appear and, hello, eager anxiety for all the great things that will arise.

Oh, and that girl is going to be a heartbreaker. She's only five or six hours old, but I can feel it in my bones already.

Holy crap, I'm an aunt.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A relapse into US History

If you were not the first ten presidents of the United States or the last ten, I don't see a point in remembering who you are. I'm currently at work and with no patients to scamper after, I decided to take a quiz. So the following people can suck it:

James Madison, Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Rutherford B. Hayes, Grover Cleveland, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, Warren Harding, Herbert Hoover, Lyndon Johnson.

But I was able to name 27 out of 42 presidents. That's pretty good, right? RIGHT? (Also, screw you Joanne.)

Monday, May 19, 2008

Stuck in the rabbit's hole

Loneliness comes in such a revolting form. The Boy has moved two hours away and the best buddy might move many hours north. And I sit here in constant wait for what I plan to do next but time has me on standstill, saying that there is more ticking of the hour before I can stop forward. Tick tock indeed. I know that I can easily throw myself into work for financial preparation, but for what? What meaning am I trying to derive from this back break? What satisfaction am I trying to achieve? I say "Public Health" and I'm really hoping that I'm spewing honesty and not some sacrificial lamb crap to appease strangers and their judgmental glares.

And oh my, nothing else could have been done
She made her life a lie so
She might never have to know anyone
Made her life the lie, you know

You know, you know, oh, how you know. Oh, Elliott, how you still ring true in my ears after so many years. And you're still waiting for happiness for me and you, aren't you? I'm striving for that change in me that will bring about the change in all because Gandhi wasn't just a dreamer, he was living inspiration. So let's circle back to my original thought: Loneliness comes in such a revolting form because I'm kept company by words of the great late dead.

What I used to be will pass away and then you'll see
That all I want now is happiness
For you and me

Saturday, May 17, 2008

...of Old Men and Movies

My list of the week is as followed (and I know it can't really be considered a list "of the week" considering that I don't post weekly enough but let's just roll with the euphemism here):

Bands that I've rediscovered how much I miss and love within the last 24 hours
1. Iron & Wine
2. Rilo Kiley
3. Elliott Smith (just the song Georgia, Georgia)

I spent some time at my mom's shop today and had to entertain George, the old dude who stops by the shop when waiting for his wife next door at the hair salon. I can't gauge how old he really is but he has grandchildren my age, so I'm just going to assume that "old" is a good number. After talking to him for 15 minutes or rather, me just nodding and affirming his ideas for 15 minutes, he has reinforced my opinion in how cool old people are. George speaks 7 languages, which he was happy to rattle off in, was drafted to Japan for a war, married his high school sweetheart, and is your typical geezer who would hit on any dame that crossed his path. And yet, I find all of that interesting. I really hope that when I'm his age, I can hit on young boys, talk about my experiences overseas and god knows what. Seriously, a lifetime of tales is what I aim for.

I just finished watching the first Narnia film and all I can really say about that film is: Jesus reference! That and how much would it suck to rule a country for 10 odd years and then return to your teenage body? I would be a little piss because who wants to go through puberty twice. And the reason why I rented Narnia was to be able to understand what happens in Prince Caspian, which I plan to see because there was a girl wielding a bow and arrow. Woman with weapons? SOLD! This is the summer of movies for me. It began with Forgetting Sarah Marshall, continued with Iron Man and Speed Racer. I was going to write up mini-reviews for those movies but never got around to it so here are hopefully non-spoilers ones.
A) The flashbacks and mini-sequences were funnier than the plot.
B) Drunken superheroes seem to be the rage this summer so let's start off the season with a billionaire, genius, womanizer drunkard. In his spare time, he builds weapons in caves.
C) Eye-candy galore! Complete with cars, fight sequences, and hot chicks. Oddly enough, it walked away with a PG rating.

I'll write more blurbs with the movies to come, which will be Prince Caspian, Indy 4, Dark Knight, The Incredible Hulk, Get Smart, Pineapple Express among other titles that most people will cringe at but I will wholeheartedly throw a ten dollar bill at. Ugh, when did movies become so expensive?

Friday, May 09, 2008

Outrage in technicolor

Why, Myanmar? Why? I don't understand why you won't distribute the 38 ton of emergency food and aid flown over by the UN that could help 95,000 people. It's sitting on the freaking airport tar mat! Xenophobia I can understand but the fact that your embassy in Thailand is taking today off due to a national holiday (amidst the growing death toll of your people) so that the very people who could help your sick can't get visas, I'm befuddled by. Also, you're also more concerned about the national election than directing those funds towards-I don't know-getting body bags for the corpses floating in your rivers. Screw malaria, screw the hunger, the broken bones, the newly orphaned children, the damaged homes, and screw the Burmese people because your junta are megalomaniacs.

Seriously, prove me wrong, Myanmar. Please, prove me wrong.

Also, I've watched the first seven minutes of Speed Racer and am looking forward to the sober acid trip that this film will take me on. Acting-wise, I've got low expectations for, but hey, I'm going to be watching what will be a live-action version of Mario Kart's Rainbow Road in an IMAX theater this Saturday so screw expectations. There's going be some wire-fu, cars, and a color scheme similar to Skittles! I'm set!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Rob Gordon Lives on in Me

Top 4 Dead Artists I Would Screw Up the Time-Space Continuum for:
1. Elliott Smith
2. Kurt Cobain
3. Ian Curtis
4. John Lennon

Top 5 European Cities I Would like to be Drunk in:
1. Prague
2. London (but not the dodgy end)
3. Berlin
4. Dublin
5. Stockholm

Top 5 Pop 80s Songs that I wish I were the keytar player for:
1. Tainted Love by Soft Cell
2. I Ran (So Far Away) by A Flock of Seagulls
3. Turning Japanese by the Vapors
4. Rock me Amadeus by Falco
5. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go by Wham!

Top 3 Wars that I would become a historian just to be interviewed on NOVA/PBS for:
1. World War II (seriously, what a worldwide, all encompassing war)
2. Mexican Revolution (Actually, I just thoroughly enjoy saying Emiliano Zapata's name.)
3. World War I (for it lead to WWII)

Top 3 Porn Star Names I'd be Proud to go By:
1. Shaft
2. Missy Shocks
3. Bella Trix

Top 3 Presidents I'd Take a Bullet for:
1. Andrew Jackson (he attacked his assassin with his cane and had to be held back by his presidential aide, if that doesn't scream kickass, I don't know what does)
2. Jed Bartlett (He was president for 2 terms according to Aaron Sorkin, works for me.)
3. Teddy Roosevelt (I'll be honest, it's the mustache)

Top 3 Things I'd Say if I were a 100-foot robot:
1. Grrr! Arrrrgh! Destroy!
2. IGNORE ME! (explanation found here)
3. Wow. They really do look like ants from this height.

Top 5 Reasons Supervillian are Awesome time infinity PLUS one:
1. Henchmen. It's practically having 24 hour room service no matter where you are.
2. That smirk they get when they believe they're going to win/just had an ingenious and diabolical thought or plan.
3. The sheer amount of money that gets wasted on schemes.
4. Scheming is your day job.
5. It's okay to be mean. (A life long goal that I wish to sate.)

Saturday, April 12, 2008

The times are a'changing

I should have just squandered the rest of my funds on a ticket to the tropics and then sit side by side with you as we drink to the setting sun. Yes, that should have been the bombass thing to do. But now we dwell on 2 vacation weeks a year and things feel peculiarly smaller. Won't you still take walks with me on an all night avenue? And we could stare at all the neons signs begging for our patronage? Because I don't want to be caught helplessly in a life I've become bored of.

I think I can I think I can I think I will...

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Cammie doesn't live here anymore

What ever happened to the me that could stay awake until sunrise? What ever happened to the me that would wake up around noon to eat breakfast? She got a full-time job and puts in too much overtime. Granted, I love what I do. (Sort of.) But I meet the dumbest and most peculiar people working for Planned Parenthood. (Yes, I work for an organization that gives birth control to anyone eligible and over the age of 12. It's the same organization known for performing abortions though I have very little involvement in the procedures aside from clerical duties. But let it also be known PP advises safe sex, STD prevention, and provides sexual health education/counseling because we know you all are screwing like rabbits so you might as well be prepared and informed.)

But some of the time, and these are rare cases, I wonder what the hell is happening to our society that so many people can be misinformed. Case in point? Informing a patient that s/he has chlamydia and their oh-so nonchalant response is: "Oh. Well, doesn't everybody get that at some point?" NO. I don't have chlamydia nor do I hope it happens to me at any point in my life. And if it ever does happen (GOD FORBID!!!), I will be the first in line and demanding I get the earliest appointment to get treatment. Unlike some other individuals who have made same day appointments and don't show up despite me telling them that they can come in any time of the day so long as they just show up.

If only there was a comprehensive sexual ed class provided for students. You know, one where the teacher doesn't tell her students that if you're gay, then you're going to hell. (True story.) Or a class where the instructor doesn't play videos about avalanches on days when he's absent. How that even relates to sexual education, I will never understand. And since I'm ranting, let's get a little parent involvement in this. It would probably be nice if you didn't tell your daughters that their periods are a sign of sin because this is not the 1970s and you are not the mother of Carrie. It would also be nice if you didn't call to yell at me because your daughter has birth control pills. So not my fault your kid's caving into her carnal desires. But this isn't an ideal world because the government's still run by religion despite the existence of a constitutional amendment against that. But what do I know? I'm just some girl with a 9-5 job who doesn't mark the sunrise as time for bed anymore.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Spring awakening

"and the wildflowers that grow beside the tracks
wobble wildly on their little stems,
then gradually grow still and stand
motherless and vertical in the middle of everything."

Ground me.

With all the time that has passed, I've been doing what everyone else has: living. I've been moving forward with progression and I'm trying to be okay with all the changes in my life. I've been doing what you all have been doing: making mistakes, growing up into an "adult," and realizing that everything is just perspective. A patient brought me flowers yesterday: a dozen yellow roses. All I did for her shouldn't have amounted to such compliments: I told her that she would be okay, that shit happens, etc etc etc. But perspective, right? Maybe she found some comfort in those words.

I've been tired of these changes too and it's worse when they're happening physically as I can watch the metamorphosis. Good or bad? Into a butterfly or a creature of Kafka's imagination? I don't know.

Unsettling, full of doubt, and restless.

So put me back in to the ground and let me sleep until after spring. April showers. May flowers. June gloom. Wake me up then so I can see where the earth has transformed and let me accept everything after that happens.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Til then...

Dear B,
We're waiting for you with some excitement, some fright, some anxiety, and some preparedness. And when you come, just know that we were waiting in sheer anticipation for what you will bring to our lives. And we'll be okay, I know it, because you will be the change for us. Good or bad? It's all up to you, kiddo.
See you soon and love always,
C

Thursday, February 21, 2008

O Demise!

There's something wrong with my laptop and now I can't access the internet (but I do when I'm at work, and hence this post). My lappy lap was plague by THEBLUESCREENOFDEATH. And yes, it hurt so much that it's one word to me. Oh lappy, how I miss your internet abilities.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

The difference in the shades

I was one cracked out kid growing up. Most people had imaginary best friends growing up. I had an imaginary mortal enemy. Her name was Tiffany Cool and to this, I still consider her my nemesis. Wow. I guess paranoia stems from the womb, or it did so in my case.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Space Oddity?

I had a very odd dream last night that included a newspaper stating false rumors about me and a friend (supposedly we were dating?), a school that didn't allow my friend Justin to draw, my mutiny against said school, destruction of a super computer by me, magic a la Harry Potter (we all had wands!), and a class that thought I was dumb until I told them I was doing my residency. It was very odd, very complicated, and very detailed. To say the least.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Clothes make the man

I bought hospital scrubs for my job today. I feel important. But I think my sisters are tired of me running around the house shouting, "Nurse! Where is my scapel?"

Friday, January 25, 2008

For the book fiend in me

1. Hardcover or paperback, and why?
Hardcover because they seem sturdier and look pretty when stacked.

2. If I were to own a book shop I would call it...
Pages. And I would include a ridiculous amount of CDs and vinyls from all of my favorite artists as well.

3. My favorite quote from a book (mention the title) is...
Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block: “We’ll see each other again. Meet to dream-rock-slink-slam it-jam in the heart of the world. Like we always do.”

4. The author (alive or deceased) I would love to have lunch with would be...
Oscar Wilde so we can be sarcastic, snippy, and witty with one another.

5. If I was going to a deserted island and could only bring one book, except the SAS survival guide, it would be...
a dictionary and none of that abridged stuff. After I'm rescued, I demand to enter a Scrabbles or Spelling Bee competition.

6. I would love someone to invent a bookish gadget that...
that would turn off the lights after you've fallen asleep from reading.

7. The smell of an old book reminds me of...
walking through the aisles in large libraries with my fingers running across the spines of books and me with the most delightful smile as I thought of all the knowledge pressed between the pages.

8. If I could be the lead character in a book (mention the title), it would be...
a cheeky Nancy Drew with a much more foul tongue or Harry Potter in the Prisoner of Azakaban. It's the only one where he actually gains a new family member instead of losing one. (Unless you count the last chapter in the last book, but that's an epilogue so I don't.)

9. The most overestimated book of all time is...
Romeo and Juliet. Okay, star-crossed lovers and feuding families aside, you've got two kids who killed themselves after knowing one another for at most two days. But props to Romeo for getting Juliet in bed after meeting once. Plus, they were 12 and 14, and so what if general life expectancy was in mid-40s? Maybe the Elizabethan age didn't believe in wooing?

10. I hate it when a book...
ends and leaves you pining for one more chapter. Though that a sign of a good book, eh? Or a terribly ill-concluded book.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

"My" car is stupid

My parents sold off my Honda CRV so I've been left with my mom's Benz. Hardy har har, make the rich girl jokes, but I'm poor as fuck, people, and to be honest, I still have no idea how my dad swung that buy. Some people have assumed that my dad knows the Triad or has performed some underhanded deal. I really would not be surprised at either.

So for fifteen minutes, I sat in the car, trying to figure out where the latch, button, or key for the gas tank lid was. FIFTEEN MINUTES: of searching, careful inspection of every single button, slamming my head on the wheel, hiding from white gangsters, telling shady creepy men I had no money to spare, reading every single page in the car manual, and cursing the world for building such a complex machine. Then I called my mom with bowed head and shame pouring from my ears.

That shame turned to steam as she explained that the lid is a flip lid, a la a see-saw, where there was no key required, no button to press, no latch to hold. It's not even spring loaded. My god, this car will kill me. I know it. So on my epitaph, I would like the following words: Screw you, German Autobahns.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Gangstas

I'm beginning to see how vicious Di and I get when we play boardgames as we tackled my boyfriend off the bed and subjected him to torture of the tickling kind because he kept getting all these mother effing random questions right. And I thought I had a ridiculous penchant for knowing random shit.

I also said that I would post pictures from my Vegas trip:

The Bellagio cashing in on my culture

Hugging the love of my life

The aftermath of doublefisting Cristal and a Corona. VIP, bitches!

There weren't enough beds to go around...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Disappointed again

Coachella, I am severely disappointed by what you have to offer me this year. Jack Johnson as the Friday night headliner? You have got to kidding me, Goldenvoice. Perhaps this is all one big elaborate and very early April Fool's joke and tomorrow night they will reveal the true lineup which will include My Bloody Valentine or Muse, hell, even Radiohead will do.

I'm going to drown my sorrow in cream puffs now.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Eden, or something very similiar

3am is the perfect time to start eating pastries that you spent 20 minutes driving all over LA in search of (though you originally began the quest for mango pudding but are quite satisfied with your array of cake slices) and reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows for what could be considered the umpteenth time.

Yea, this is what I do now because I don't have a job or school. Or a life really.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Something like that

I saw Cloverfield yesterday with the Boy. We were both amused and full of questions by the end. I, for one, would still like to know what the fuck that creature was and/or where it came from. Deep blue sea? Maybe. Deep blue sky? Maybe. And what were those spider bugs the size of large dogs doing? And how in the world did that girl run around in Manhattan in three inch heels? I would have thrown them off the moment I started fleeing, then looted a store for comfortable tennis shoes (that should come with miniature cow catchers on each foot). All in all, I'd say it was a decent monster movie with destruction, humor, pretty boys saving pretty girls, and uglier than sin monsters.

Still, questions, questions.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Bad timing

Okay, that was dumb of me to start a posting marathon the day right before I leave for a trip. So whoops on my part. Where did I go? To the land of sin and sun and booze! So not my local liquor store but rather Vegas. Now for highlights of the trip as we won't even consider the low lights.

-Hanging out with Di and Ang, which is always a barrel of fun because Ang is very impressionable while Di and I are schemers.
-The music at the Revolution Lounge. The Mirage touted the place as a throwback to indie rock, dance, and hip hop. I think I knew almost every song that was played which could either mean my musical taste is getting broader or theirs is getting more eclectic.
-Winning money from slot machines! Yay!
-The surprisingly comfortable bathtub in our pent house. Seriously, if Ang was a lot more drunk, I think she would have slept in it.
-Calling Di's sister's boyfriend "Papa Tony." It didn't help that we had a rental van and the couple were sitting in the front seats as the "kids" were being rowdy in the back.

Pictures to come!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Random happy things!

With so much free time on my hands, I'm going to try to post every single day for a week just to see if I can. So to start, I will list off a couple of my favorite things in the world, in no particular order, of course.

1. The scene from Little Miss Sunshine where the entire family gets on stage to dance with Olive. I laugh to the point of tears every time I see it. Maybe it's the pelvic thrusts, their enthusiasm, her father's willingness to tackle the announcer, or the center beauty pagent judge that's smiling at Olive's performance.


2. Listening to a song so intensely in order to hear each instrument, each nuance. This is partly due to my obsession with music but I will listen to a song 20 times just to pinpoint each different instrument and there's such satisfaction when I figure out how many guitars are playing or who's singing.

3. Waterfalls for their majestic and destructive nature. Seriously, erosion much?

4. Memorizing the rap bits in songs. At the moment, I have the beginning of De La Soul's rap from the song Feel Good Inc memorized. Sabotage by the Beastie Boys is my next goal.

5. Food that looks gross or ill-described yet are ridiculously delicious. For instance: the Banh Mi, or the Vietnamese Subs. It's a baguette with pate, different types of pork cold cuts, pickled radishes and carrots, and cilantro. It may seem weird, look weird, but something that I could have for lunch every single day of my life.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

The Good that Won't Come Out

I've been nursing a headache since Monday and I'm convinced at this point that it's never going away and I'm never going to get sleep at night because of it. I am in pain of the ridiculous kind that no drugs can cure me. Or at least, none of the aspirin or whatever pills I've been shoving down my throat have done the trick. If I weren't so lazy and if it also weren't for the fact that I enjoy living, I would have reached for a pencil to jab into my temples. Because that would have been much less agonizing. I complain because I don't know what else to do. And if this is a brain tumor, I hope it's the kind of tumor that gives me super powers like solving any math equation in under 10 seconds or something along the veins of psychic abilities.

Someone put me out of my misery. Or at least give me enough sleeping pills to decrease the dark grocery bag sized circles under my eyes.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Holy homelessness, Batman!

According to an LA Times article I just read, there's an estimate of 73,000 homeless individuals living in just the Los Angeles region. By the power of grayskull, that has to be a lie. That's about three times the number of kids who went to my college. It's perplexing to think that such a population could exist and it's becomes even more concrete when I imagine walking down Library Walk on a busy afternoon and thinking that every person I saw in that sea of people would only equal a fraction off those without homes. And then I wonder, where do they sleep at night? And how does Skid Row accommodate that grand of number? And how do they hold jobs, well, for the ones that actually do? I mean, what address do they use and how do they renew their passports or driver's licenses? Thanks LA Times for opening this can of worms for me and causing me to feel like a concerned citizen. Where is my apathy and indifference? Where did you go?

Thursday, December 27, 2007

a coal-less xmas

This year was one of the better holiday seasons, although I did have a huge fight over something trivial with my youngest sister that involved arm tugging, a lot of yelling, and door slamming. But it wouldn't be Christmas without some tears and threats. But the good completely outweighed the bad as I sat shotgun in a madcap adventure with Di. Christmas Eve and we're off watching Juno, braving the cold and ridiculous 50 mph winds to buy cds in Hollywood (you think I jest but we had to find shelter from the weather in some doorway like vagabonds), and building gingerbread house while praying that it does not collapse onto itself.

Christmas Day was celebrated with much Asian flair as the family and friends gathered for a seafood hot pot, spring rolls, outrageous fruit flan cakes, gambling, and more food. I think our house was leaking MSG by the end of the night.

And even though the main reason for seeing The Boy yesterday was to help him move his furniture out of my apartment and all the way down three flights of stairs (why are there no elevators?!), I'm glad there was still time for ballroom dancing to Beirut, exchanging gifts, and nonsensical conversations--I still think Qualudes are word and that it's reference to a drug of some type.

So ends my year, sort of. One last throw down with the college gang in San Francisco and we bid our adieus to 2007.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Meet you at the statue in an hour?

I've forgotten how much I love Belle & Sebastian until I heard "Piazza, New York Catcher" play during the movie Juno. I was singing along before I realized it. Oh, Stuart Murdoch, how you've captured my heart in a blink. I've always love how songs will bring up certain memories. "Piazza" and "Brand New Colony" will take me back to freshman year of college and sitting in Di's car as we drive back from everywhere. And the songs that continue to make me cry no matter how long it's been since acquainted.

Christmas is in four days, I think. I'm also moving ship in about two days and I've got nothing done. I really don't want to buy gifts because I think it's dumb. If I wanted to buy you a gift, I'd do that any day of the year and you can do the same. It just irks me so much that some folks don't understand why I want to let it pass like another day. It's enough to provoke a rant from me. So keep your holidays and expectations, I'll keep my tongue.

Goodbye, San Diego, I don't think I'll miss you. You were a grand escape for four years but now it's back to the lion's den. Though I will love what this place has been: one wonderful voyage into uncharted territories of social relationships and self-criticism that the maps will be neatly tucked away until the time to reminisce comes along. So thanks, Whale's Vagina, you stay classy.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Expectations, simplicity, and ghosts.

I think it's the expectations that really kills. Is there some cosmic plan written in the stars for everyone to follow, like an unseen ten commandments that you have to abide by? That's the feeling I get now that I've graduated college. I'm "supposed to" find some ridiculously grand career. I'm "supposed to" work a nine to five job. I'm "supposed to" this and that. But why? And what for? I could be very happy working some job that pays crap and doing menial things in order to pay the bills and pay for all my newfound obsessions. I mean, what do you want me to do? Change the world? I want to, and I maybe still will. But I shouldn't because I'm "supposed to."

I think I'm moving again in less than a month. Funny thing is, I'm not even sure where I'm going. Maybe backwards because it's seems impossible to move forward at this point. I just don't have the financial means to plant myself somewhere new. So I'll wither here, in this wasteland of a city, the Enron by the Sea, as I've come to dub it. And it's here that I've realized that I have few friends and even fewer that share the same interests with me that I've become a bored skeleton. No one does the talk, or care for the walk. Worst yet is the impending fake cheer of the holidays. I abhor Christmas with malicious spite that I'm only counting down the days to Xmas because then I'll be satisfied knowing I won't have to deal with it for another 364 days. So combine my hatred for the holidays, my complete boredom with this vapid city, and my insecure thoughts on very blurred future plans, and I'm some walking fuming mess that's angry at what is and what can't be.

Nothing's ever simple, is it?

You can't just pack some of your favorite items in a bag, close your eyes, and disappear, can you? No magic words to utter. No sweet slumber to last a thousand years until the commotion brews over.

Because that would just be too easy.

I'm thinking of buying a guitar so that I'd be able to find solace in something real. This thought was prompt by a cover of Tegan and Sara's Walking with a Ghost that I'd heard a bit ago. There were no vocals. Just a drum and a guitar. And of course it would be paid for by my menial job, but playing it would make me happy, and isn't that all that matters?

Friday, November 16, 2007

The Randoms


I have no idea what it does, but I kinda want one of these mushroom hello kitties.

So I finally found a temporary job (read: office slave) and with my new source of income, I'm really tempted to just throw money down the fun toilet in the following form:

-a new jacket
-Hello Kitty t-shirts
-the shits and giggles over at threadless.com, giant robot, Ben Sherman
-comics
-a permanent seat at my favorite restaurants
-the Bossy Bear book, which is my life story in Bear and Illustration form.

Christ alive, I could really go for some Korean food right now. If only I were actually in Korea, because then there's 24 hour access. I think. Kimchi, ahoy! Someone save my wretched stomach from devouring my other organs.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


I'm still dreaming of the same thing, the same old hopes, the same desire to disappear into an unforgivable town that will swallow me whole with no reservations.

Oh, how we will lie awake and lie for fun.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Wildfire 07! Oh noes!

I'm alive. And well. And about a hundred miles away from the fire that's plaguing San Diego. Wow. It's deja vu all over again because four years ago, some part of LA was burning while SD wasn't doing any better. History just repeats itself all the time, huh?

So basically, for the non-Californian folks, there's about four fires in the SD area. One fire has been contained. And the other three are creating fodder for the news and giving one journalist somewhere a promotion. Cynicism at a time like this? Why not? I'm worried but it's a helpless situation of man versus nature. Nature is going to whoop man's ass that I bid all of the firefighters and official good luck with this battle because they're going to need it. And that's an actual sincere statement.

Go here for updates: http://www.signonsandiego.com/firemap/

Oh, and the fire that's threatening my area is called the Witch Fire. I'm sorry but that's too Salem Witch Trials for me to take it seriously. I mean, the actual fire, yes. Name of fire, not so much.

But honestly, I just want to go home.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Why bother?

It's another blitz of job searching for this one. Why isn't the job hunt process easier? Like there could be a central control for all jobs in the world that you can submit your resume to and they could spit out a list of jobs that you're qualiified for? It's almost Big Brother, most likely completely government controlled, but it would make my life easier instead of this mindnumbing wait for call backs. Or lack thereof as one place decided to hire someone else and not give me a courtesy Dear John letter. I've come to realize that I would be happy working in three places:

1. A record shop
2. A health clinic
3. The entertainment industry

But alas, I got a BA in sociology and I'm still wondering what I'm going to do with it.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

And now we know

In retrospect, perhaps playing around with my mom's birth control all those years ago was not a good idea. Then again, I was of a wee age and thought they were Pez candy. Hmmm. Retro-justification? I'll take it. The thought just occurred to me though as I was surfing health organization, in hopes of finding job vacancies.

I saw Across the Universe Sunday afternoon and left in awe. Not of the character development or story plot line (all of which was severely lacking), but at the visual and audio acid trip that movie took you on. I had high expectations for the film, which weren't met, because seriously, who comes back from a war so well-adjusted? I may not be an expect on the facts and figures of war veterans but I would have to say that those who aren't traumatized in some form are far and few between. Nonetheless, I had no idea that Joe Anderson was British until I read his biography. So kudos to his accent coach. The movie was filled to the brim with hit or miss covers, the good ones were really good and the bad ones felt shoved in with the excuse that it's a Beatles film. All in all, Jim Sturgess, I love you but you're not Ewan McGregor from Moulin Rouge. And Evan Rachael Woods, stop giving me those stupid tortured looks with your piercing eyes. I get it, Rich Girl with a Conscience.

That said, I've had different Beatles songs running through my head all day long and most likely for the next few days.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Running pattern or god's gag on me

I hate bad days. Obviously. But it's always insult to injury on those terrible, no good, very bad days because as I'm getting ready for bed and changing into jammies, I make a slap-to-the-forehead realization. I had spent the day wearing my underwear inside out. There might not be anything wrong with that, or I've yet to realize if there is. I mean, it's almost a laundry saving technique. Almost. And gross. I've also just noticed now that it's a very SAT type of situation: The whole inside out underwear equals bad day type of thing. As in one of those "If all snuggles are puzzles but not all puzzles are snuggles" questions. Days I spend wearing the wrong side of my underwear always tend to be crappy days yet it doesn't always work the other way around. Why?

Oh, and here's a totally unrelated picture to this post. But I felt it worthy. It's me and some random person in a bear suit, who was strolling around on campus. Completely worthy of a camera phone shot.

Monday, September 17, 2007

A rice cooker has just entered my top five list of Most Expensive Things I Own. How does such a thing happen? Easy, my mom assumes I'm underfed when not under her watchful eyes so she set out to find me adequate cookware. Only it cost a little over a hundred.

Other than that, I want to marry Logan Echolls.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Wicked Heat of the West

That morbid portion of me is jonesing for some of Hurricane Whatever it's Name to stroll by San Diego and give us a downpour instead of lambasting the coastline with HUMIDITY. I can only imagine what the inland area feels like and choose to only imagine. Ugh. I might as well sleep in my underwear or in a bathtub with ice cubes.

In two and a half weeks, I might be unemployed for the first time in three years. It's kinda scary. And kind of thrilling because then I'll be able to watch my brand spanking new Veronica Mars dvds without interruption. Showers be damned, I'll have no one to impress. Five food groups a day be damned, popcorn has to account for at least two food groups.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Roughing it

1. Finding employment is a lot harder than I thought.

2. I just came back from a weekend jaunt in Yosemite with Ed and David, then came back to the homestead for a birthday bbq for my dad. He's half a century old now. Holy crap, he's getting on ancient.

2a. I'm glad I'm one of 15 percent of Americans who use the word "jaunt."

3. I SAW A BEAR! That in itself makes up for the sheer lousiness of point number 1. Black bear cubs are as cuddly looking as you expect, and probably twice as dangerous.

4. Four is the number of freedom. You can figure that out for yourself.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Public Declaration: For Di and Jo

I miss you guys. A lot.

I'm glad we're friends/comrades in arms (viva the motherland!)/not enemies. I'm kind of saddened that we haven't had a hilarious hijink in so long. I can't believe you're miles upon miles away from me, even a freaking ocean! Di Lam, you know I can't swim nor able to afford a plane ticket to see you. And thanks Jo for putting me as your number one, you should know I plan to lord that over you for the rest of your existence.

P.S. Come back to me. Baby, I can change! I can change!
P.P.S. Steps of Rome's Nicola, hanging Jimmy, watching really bad movies, gelato, drunk dials, "You're going to have to snap it from the front!", 2 against 1, breakfast with Stacy's mom, Kool-Aide hair-dye, fruitful lands, tinfoil, waterguns to the crotch, mallrats, freshman year poker nights, "Look ma, no wheel!", passenger seat steering, Garden Cafe, and oh so much more.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Typed by Candlelight

Rolling Stone fucks with me like no other. I can't believe how mad I am that they awarded that many stars to the Interpol album. But then again, when did I ever take Rolling Stone's word? Maybe if this were a decade or two ago. Maybe.

Rilo Kiley's new album is almost out and about. I kind of like the first single, The Moneymaker. Cute Jenny turned into Sneering Jenny. And there's almost no way this band could go wrong. They sit on the pedestal of the indie world with a plaque reading: Beloved Darlings. If Jenny Lewis puked into a pump shoe, I'm pretty sure people would applause and acclaim her for bringing back the decadence of the 80s in such a chic fashion.

That's my two cents of being an elitist music whore. Onward to other things?

Sure.

I've developed a new chocolate vice. Ritter Sport Bars. I'm glad something good came out of Germany after all this time. I feel like I should stock up on them when I head over to Europe this winter. Cam across the pond? At last. I just have no itinerary right now or even an idea of where to start. But it's okay. I should probably figure out my living and employment situation here in San Diego first. Both items are still on To Do list and kind of not moving forward with either.

And after all these years, seeing the music video for California by Phantom Planet still makes me smile ever so wistfully. I'm really glad that's one of the things that hasn't changed in my life.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Our Love to Admire

The new Interpol album, Our Love to Admire, reminded me of what disappointment felt like. After sampling the first five seconds of each song, I was convinced my friend sent me Antics instead. There was absolute conviction that I heard the intro "The Heinrich Maneuver" on a past cd and this copy was a false leak. Confusion lead to research lead to hope lead to dismay lead to disgust. This album is far from "expressive" as the band members want me to believe. Okay, I give into the addition of a few wind instruments but Paul Banks is still singing in the same note on every song. I let that pass on Antics, but now, forgiveness will not be granted.

I'm so disappointed in you, Interpol, you were supposed to offer me something new, not this sloppy third helping of cheap dark and dank sex in an alley shit. Your debut was gorgeous and reminded me of Joy Division so much that I thought Ian Curtis was alive again. Find yourself another (music) whore because I'm not putting out for you.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Initial D and the Big C

The Boy taught me have to drive stick this afternoon, which could have been a recipe for disaster but everyone had their seat belt out and the engine didn't burst into flames. Win-win for all. Driving stick is a lot harder than I thought. I mean, don't you just hit the clutch when you change gear and call it a day? Apparently not. It's almost an art form of its own. So onward to Lesson Two tomorrow, where I'll still be working on first gear.

I also soooooooo geeked out at Comic Con last Saturday. I was elated to be within the same ten square feet as Joss Whedon. Although a certain part of me regrets not bum-rushing him just to declare my adoration. Oh well. Next time. And then squealing in excitement when I saw one of my favorite Korean comic distributors. Oh, hearing Ray Bradbury speak? Dream of my fourteen year self come true. I spent my early teens reading his works that I dreamt of tattooed men and merry go round that played procession marches. I also fell asleep during his lecture, but I think that's just an instinctive reaction from UCSD. Such a fan girl at heart.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

July, July!

I've been frittering away the last month, doing what I normally do: say hello and goodbye to visiting friends, hold down two jobs, geek out, throw parties in the name of France, and mainly contemplating the next chapter in my life. I've also discovered that I enjoy cooking although my only attempts so far have been making enchiladas and yellow curry. Success so far. So far.

Despite my detest of the Korean language, only because it sounds horrid like Vietnamese, I want to live in Seoul. I was there for a day or two way back when, yet it was enough to pique my longing for a place to call home far from the States. Well, there or I could live like a rock star in Vietnam a la Di right now. Still, the idea of life as an expat, not too enticing.

Comic Con's this weekend. I plan to kill Sylar and shake hands with Joss Whedon. Not necessarily in that order, but we'll see what the itinerary is when I get a lay of the land.

Now to brood on some things..
..Korean or Vietnamese, which do I dislike hearing more?
..Joss Whedon or Conor Oberst, who would I save in a fire?
..do you really need a blow torch to make Creme Brulee?
..is my flan firm and eatable now?
..how much of the Internet is really porn? At least 80 percent?

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Death of my childhood


Holy crap, Alvin's going to pop a cap in your ass. Part of me is dead inside. Thanks Hollywood, you wretch of a town.

And Jason Lee! You are no longer on my "People I Want to Marry" list. I don't have any words. Just "oh my god" and cursed "whys". In another time and place, perhaps you and I, Mister CGI, we could have been friends. But that time nor place is not now.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

In the red and black



Shades of half and half, really. Also, yes, that is me holding the chopped off portion of my head. Now to mail it! Change is nice for once.

Chop chop

I am going to donate my hair to Locks of Love in ten hours. I feel like a good person already. Someone give me a medal. Or not. I really hope I have hair long enough. I'm sick of how much shampoo I'm using and how long it takes to dry even in the summer. Bah. Good riddance hair, I hope you find a new head to sit upon.

Pirates 3 can suck it. Three hours of my life, gone. Stupid ending. I go to the movies to escape from reality and when it comes to Disney, I expect a sappy-happy ending instead of that poorly put together one. I was gypped of my ten dollars. And that is a serious WTF. Ten years ago, and this is a sad fact to admit, tickets were only 5 bucks. Not to mention gasoline was a buck something.

Stupid war. Stupid economy. You drive up everything up while driving us down.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Someday's dreamer

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. Some a whisper, some unspoken. Bittersweet nonetheless. Some said in denial, some said in tears. It'll happen anyways. Sometimes it feels like I'm lying when I say I'll see them later. I do want to live up to these promises made in such haste, but who knows? Who knows which countries we'll end up in, which state, or which city? I almost wish we could all spend just a little bit more time in this insulated world we call college and then just say goodbye with a bang instead of the slow moving train it's been.

See you soon? I really hope so.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Backwards

Who thinks in Japanese in the middle of their Portuguese oral exam? Apparently, I do. But then again, I used to think in Spanish while learning Japanese. So this shouldn't be new. However, what a blow to my final grade.

I've been homesick for a place I've never called home. Today, I sighed longingly for a rainy day in Saigon more times than I should have. The sound of rain on tin or plastic roofs amidst the so-called terrible humidity. It's a throwback to simplicity.

I have a paper due in two days that basically makes or breaks my college career. Due to that, I've almost forgotten how to eat and sleep correctly. Christ alive.

shit shit shit.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Nothing's constant. Or easy.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

High Towers

I want to spend the next five years of my life wandering from one country to the next, one continent to the next, one odd job to the next. Let's start with Japan where I'll teach English to rich, arrogant kids; and maybe I'll hop over to Vietnam and work with the blind. I'll be a cigarette vendor in Germany and become nocturnal so that you will always know me as the little Asian girl outside Club Guten Tag. During all this time, I will live off ramen but learn to create incredibly amazing meals with them. I suppose at this point, it's off to a Scandinavian country where I'll work for a contraceptive company because the Swedes are apparently so much more open about youth sexuality. I'll open up a ramen hut while at it. "Delicacies of the Far East" is what we'll scribble on the menu and we'll play Japanese pop songs that I've amassed from my year there. Portugal, next? So I can practice my one college year worth of Portuguese. Six months there, then off to Mozambique to be an interpreter.

Sweet endeavors indeed. Even wild. And just a tad optimistic and over the top. Better yet, won't you come live with me in some town we'll learn to curse and we will smoke cigarettes on our fire escape/balcony while making fun of day time television? The secured life has always frightened me and my temporary roots.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

12 hours in LA

Left San Diego around 3 and arrived about 3 hours later. That meant Di, Ryan, and I had too many hours to kill in Hollywood so of course, we ventured to Amoeba where we all walked away with armloads of CDs. I don't care what anyone says; I'm damn proud that I bought the Guns 'n' Roses CD. Along with Elliott Smith's New Moon.

Met up with the friend's boyfriend, went to a hamburger joint where they played Dancing Queen in the restroom and your check came in a scary 4-inch pump. Oh West Hollywood. The only thing that I could take away from yesterday is that never again will I ever listen to Sound Team. I have seen bad sets before, but this took the cake. In fact, Sound Team took the fucking cake, ran away with it and had some sort of food fight with the cake. The opening band for Minus the Bear gave me a heart attack every time the singer sang in his grating, garage band shouting voice but there was something endearing about that band. Sound Team brought forth the urge to induce physical harm to the band members, like chucking hard fruit. I think I was musically offended after their set. It was too bad, too, because it really took away from the headliner, Voxtrot. Their lead singer carried the entire show but that's what lead singers do.

In other random news, somehow Camels has my UCSD mailing address and has been sending me odd stuff. First was a postcard that I ignored. But then they send me a purple rhinestone lighter today along with gift certificates and a guidebook. Um, did I get confused with Elton John?

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Sungod

It came and went. Di did a great job and I was surprised whenever she took on the bitch persona and started kicking folks out of the VIP section. Hardcore. Concert was fun. I was happy. I wasn't happy being trapped in the constant surges of the crowd as they attempted to rush the barricades. Not cool at all. I think at one point, I wondered if I just did a tiny little hop as they rushed forward, would I just be carried along with the tide of legs and arms? Pinned between shoulders and back, I probably wouldn't even need to stand. But my sensibility kicked in and that idea was kicked out. Third Eye Blind played. Hello, Middle School, how wonderful of you to visit. Nostalgia, indeed.

The day itself was okay. Class and work while my roommates were getting obliterated. My French roommate walked around with the word "Penis" on her arm for about half the day. The Japanese one trampled around the grounds with her lovely Asian glow. The Irish/Chilean one stormed the campus with pen and notepad in hand as she was kicking ass and taking names of the drunk ones. And I awaited for my friends to show up, and I didn't expect to let one pass out on my bed, but hey, Sungod is the harbinger of surprises and vomit. Luckily, the latter did not happen so all was right in the world.

Though the most wonderful and terrible part of the weekend was seeing old friends that graduated the year prior. Great to see them. Terrible to know that after graduation, you're by yourself with no safety net to fall back on. Friendships don't come as easily in the working world, especially when your co-workers are a decade older than you. And then some.

1 month to go. It's time to milk this bitch dry for all the stories to tell in future times before I find myself swimming the vast sea of unemployment without land in sight or a buoy to cling to. Times like this, I wish I were more of a gold digger so that I can ambitiously clamour for that walking dollar sign instead of feeling guilty.

Yet I'm so over everything this place has to over. Let's just be vagabonds and roam the world as ocean pirates. International waters and all the shark fin soup you can have. It'll be fun. I promise.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Paris Hilton is a douche

I've never heard of a person more ridiculous than her that it sounds like a myth and I scorn her existence for making stupidity and flagrant excess so obvious. I mean, yes, there could be a handful of other millionaire individuals who spend their days at the spa, shopping or golfing but there's just something about this troll that makes me despise her. Currently, she's been awaiting a jail sentence for 45 days and is fighting tooth and nail to avoid it by blaming her publicist for false information regarding her suspended license and now she's actually starting a petition to our Governor for a pardon. In the petition, she says that pardoning her would just be like Gerald Ford pardoning Richard Nixon. Holy shit.

Also, college kids should NOT play Red Rover. This was a game meant for 5 year olds because they don't clothe line each other or taking running head starts to build up momentum for their 100-250 lbs frames. I almost lost my left arm playing that game today.

I'm going to Vietnam this summer, maybe I'll never come back.

Monday, April 23, 2007

This is desperation. I know, because I actually considered the idea of being an offshore welder on an oil rig somewhere in the South China Sea. I kid you not, I stared at the Help Wanted page for a while before clicking back. It also doesn't help that I don't know how to swim.

Dreamers can't find jobs, we just empathize.

And today's bachelor degree is the high school degree of yesteryear. Fucken A.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Cassadaga disappointed me. I guess you become jaded after a while in a city like that. I'd be, that's for sure.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Middle of the week nonsense

I'm hoping that today will be a good day, it's already started with me putting on my underwear correctly so that must be a good sign.

And interestingly enough....

You Are a Pinky

You are fiercely independent, and possibly downright weird.
A great communicator, you can get along with almost anyone.
You are kind and sympathetic. You support all your friends - and love them for who they are.

You get along well with: The Ring Finger

Stay away from: The Thumb

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Lip my stocking

I had a Babel moment today. Not in the miscommunication way, but in the reliving one of the scenes way. It was the scene where the deaf girl licks her dentist in the middle of her appointment. Differences between my moment and her? I'm not deaf. It wasn't a dentist. And I certainly didn't lick him. It was a trip to the optometrist for me today and as he was peering into my eyes with his flashlight wand, I realized, "Wow, you really are close enough to lick." I didn't act on it, because I'm not THAT starved for touch or attention. Nonetheless, the thought did cross my mind. Why am I telling this story? Because it's the only thing of slight interest that's happened this past week. Oh, there was that revelation that smokers and drinkers never quit those vices. They just stop.

I saw this card off the postsecret website. Last week? This week? Frank N'Furter would just tell us that time is fleeting.


Instant connection for the first time in some while that I've been visiting that website. I'm just craving stability.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Drifter

Someday I'd like to let go of it, the past: that huge and heavy thing that weighs us down without us ever realizing it, until we can't move. And I'd look at it, squarely and firmly. And I'd push off from it, a ship from shore. Sailing away and away, but knowing that if I ever wanted to, I could still return to it, a ship to shore.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Bad, Chiquita, bad!

It's my love for music and Latin American history coming together! The Chiquita banana company pulled a Rolling Stone move by hiring the Hell's Angels of Colombia, but on a much more worse scale, for protection in some of Colombia's hostile farming area. Okay, so maybe the AUC aren't really like the Hell's Angels seeing as how they're a terrorist group and infamous for all those ransom-kidnappings and massacres. And the Hell Angels are more of a biker gang. That's not important, what is is that I was able to make a music history analogy. Go me.

In another lifetime and in another place, specifically the slums of Rio de Janiero or Colombia, I think I would be an errand boy for Scarface. Carry that kilo to the helicopter port? Done. Clean up the palace by sweeping away old bullet shells? Done. My justification? Lula de Silva and Evo Morales had to start somewhere and you can always say you grew up and beyond the drug life. Plus, as President, you get a sash. That's reason enough to hold a coup. The only other winner of any election I've ever seen who got to wear a sash is a beauty queen.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Snaking up the coast

Spring break marks my return to San Francisco for the first time four years and I'm looking forward to it. For one thing, finals will be over; for another, I might get to see a few folks I haven't seen in oh-so long. Plus, it's a whole week of me pestering the Boyfriend Guy. Awesome. I'm just wondering what we're going to do there, because SF isn't a city I'm familiar with but hey, maybe we'll just wander 'round the town and amuse ourselves like that.

The last time I was in SF, it was for a debate tournament, and oddly enough, the one distinct thing I remember is Steps of Rome. Oh, and the gay waiters. In retrospect, they weren't *that* Italian. Other fonds memories--or not so fond--included Pier 39 where a seagull attacked me, the introduction of Choco, and the lynching of Jimmy.

You also shouldn't be surprised that I've been composing a soundtrack for the drive up the coast and I'm tossing in as many loud and lush songs as possible. Because what else will distract us from the wasteland that lies between Los Angeles and San Francisco? And no, playing the "Let's see how many people are picking their nose in their car" game does not count as a distraction because after a while, it's just gross.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

this is love

This is how I end my phone conversations with my sister: "I hate you , goodbye."

This is how I end conversations with the Boy Wonder: "You're such a jerk, bye."

This is how I end conversations with Jo or Di: "You're such a bitch. Bye."

Sunday, February 25, 2007

When it's all over, I hope we're still standing. Side by side.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Be safe

I was going to send all of my friends who weren't in San Diego a condom or two in honor of today. I didn't. Mainly because I forgot.

Next year, buddies, for sure next year.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Residue

I don't think the smell of latex can ever bring up any memory but me holding little plastic jars of urine and waiting for three minutes to pass by to see if there's one line or two lines on that little white strip. I've been volunteering at a health clinic in my attempts to reach that job with the World Health Organization and so far my job's consisted of filing medical charts and making bags with condoms in it. Lately though, I've been in the lab room doing pregnancy tests and strictly that. Soon enough, I'll be the one giving results. I hear all the situations, the condom broke, I missed a pill, it was my first time, and so on and so on. But there's almost nothing striking as seeing the waiting room full of 6 middle schoolers with their backpacks and their uniforms. 3 asked for condoms. 1 asked for a pregnancy test. And then you make the judgement, "You're 14. I know because you're giggling with your friends over stickers that you've put on your face. Why are you even here?" I lead her to bathroom, explain what to do but I want to tell her to go home, be jaded, sing those pop songs, follow those pop idols, but forget about this sex stuff. I think the entire staff breathed a collective sigh when I told them it was a negative. And the 14 year old became a 14 year old girl when we told her the same news. She shrunk into her chair, fidgeted, and had the doe eye look.

It makes me sad. It makes me hate our biology. It makes me wish for change, the way any sociologist would, in structural and cultural barriers. (Though I will say that there is nothing in the world like reaching into a bin completely filled with condoms and pulling a handful out.)

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Label me

If you had a radio show (and played stuff along the lines of Belle and Sebastian, The Faint, Blonde Redhead, Elliot Smith, Bright Eyes, Fugazi, and Neutral Milk Hotel) what would you call your show? If I were truly vindictive, I'd call mine: Panic! Can Suck it.

But really, what would you call yours?

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

and the boys who love you, they just come and go, don't they?

Monday, January 22, 2007

Persuasion

Reasons to go to all three days of Coachella this year:
Decemberists, Interpol, Arcade Fire, Travis, Fountains of Wayne, Bjork, !!!, Blonde Redhead, Tokyo Police Club, Jose Gonzales, Of Montreal, Peaches, Damien Rice, Tilly and the Wall, We are Scientist.

I wish they would shove all of those bands onto one day so that I can only pay 100 bucks and not triple that amount. But then I could check out what's the hype on the following bands: Placebo, The Arctic Monkeys, Andrew Bird, Sonic Youth, Hot Chip, The Good The Bad and The Queen, Jarvis Cocker, Kaiser Chiefs, Kings Of Leon, Willie Nelson (I know!!!!!! How odd!!), Tape 'n Tapes.

If only Smashing Pumpkins, Saosin, Mars Volta, Jets to Brazil, and Phantom Planet were added to that list. I would be sitting here, frozen in excitement that I might program my brain for shut down until April 27.

So come to Coachella with me, I'll be in the dance tent.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Bitch-slapped bank account

Somewhere in La Jolla, California, there is the sound of a crying wallet and a rumbling stomach. Meanwhile, Ben Sherman is laughing his Union Jack ass off. It's been nearly a month but I'm still recuperating from my New York trip, to think that three and a half days in one city could take such a financial chunk from me. I might as well have said, "Here, this is my right arm, it may not be as valuable as my left, but it's been good to me these last twenty-odd years." Then watch Manhattan take a cleaver to my body. So now I'm hungry and I want some gyros and perhaps a Greek salad but it's too cold for me to leave my apartment. (50 degrees? That's near hypothermia to me.) I'm also too lazy to drive. But it doesn't matter, because I've been telling myself that I shouldn't buy anything until I get Coachella squared out of the way. That's 300-400 dollars, wham bam, out of my hands and into Goldenvoice's. So no more off-campus food. The terrible thing is, I'm now left with only cafeteria food and I've come to loath that stuff. It doesn't count as food. It's stuff. Stuff you might find on the floor, or in between the couch cushions. I might as well resort to ramen for the next month in this insane attempt to save money for Coachella.

Starvation? Is it really key to my happiness? Perhaps, if it could afford me a PlayStation/wii, an external hard drive, noise-cancelling headphones, a DVD burner, a new camera, coachella tickets, and a box of See's Nuts and Chews thrown in for kicks. (What a tech geek's wet dream list.)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Mental Preparation

On my desk is a copy of Chungking Express, Snakes on a Plane, and the Devil Wears Prada. I've been able to watch the last two movies without any hesitation--well, a bit on the Prada one--because they're mindless movies to me. I sat through them with little expectations because they seemed like acceptable B-movies to me. But Chungking Express? I fear even touching the DVD cover because I have no idea what the movie has in store for me and I don't know if I will be able to walk away from that movie feeling complete. I've read reviews and critiques, so it's all mental preparation to accept what might be a wonderfully bittersweet movie. This will be a week of Wong Kar-Wai films (In the Mood for Love, 2046) and I'm actually praying that my psyche will be intact come next Monday.

Tony Leung, this movie is riding on you and your pineapple eating skills. You are also the only Asian man I'm willing to pounce (aside from Eiji Wentz and Jun Matsumoto, but that's a whole different fan girl story.) Chungking Express, please don't break my heart.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

86 the 06

Goodbye 2006, how I will always recall the solstice party, end of the world party, venturing into the world of monogamy dating, saying goodbye to dear roommates of male and female genders, trip around the US, and the endless sleep deprived nights spent contemplating my future amongst many other wonderful moments. May more arise in the coming year.

I have no resolutions for the year because I don't need any. Instead, I will leave you with a cover of Wonderwall by Cat Powers and a chirpy Age of Consent by New Order. And yes, that is the song played over the Marie Antoinette trailer.

Friday, December 29, 2006

fit for an emo song

They've built apartment buildings on my youth. Where the Bay State movie theater use to stand, there are now apartment buildings and I was just crushed to no longer see the parking lot I used to hang out in with my friends following a good movie. Senior year of high school, where did you go?

This is a city of dead memories. Where's Chris Carraba when you need him to write an emo song? I'll even throw in a long haired girl in a summer dress with the wind blowing her hat away if it'll make the song more picturesque. I'm just not sure where I'll find said girl. I guess I'm just growing up and out of this fish bowl city but am too chicken shit to make that leap out. Le sigh indeed.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

fragile and thin

I almost wished he would say I've been eating for you but that would make us more attached and dependent than ever. More than I want, more than I want to handle. For a week, I walked around the arctic east and each day, I sorely missed some boy on the sunny west coast that my heart ached. It ached not for him, but because of him. I don't want someone else to complete me, I don't want to believe that I'm not whole unless I'm with him. So for a week, I mourned what I was while entranced by big city lights. I have become dependent on him because I want someone to understand the inane trials I put myself through. Now I'm starving for affection and utterly angry that I don't know how to be whole on my own accords. But I'm working on that eating thing, so I'm not falling apart in all areas.

Now and then

NYC is gorgeous the way a Jackson Pollock painting is, full of color and chaos. And when I left, I realized how enamored I was by that city and can't wait to go back. But now I find myself back home in a place all too familiar yet foreign. It's always that same feeling when I come back that I can't pinpoint but it's as if I'm viewing everything through blurred lens. I recognize the outlines of the same buildings and peoples from before but they're all changed. But so it goes, and here I am to spend the next two and half week reverting back to a complete geek stage where I'll be reading comics, watching all the movies I haven't seen in theaters the past year and gaming my little heart out. Final Fantasy, how I have missed you.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Hello free time

All is done. Fall quarter ended about 24 hours ago for me and it's painful to watch everyone still struggle about because at this point, you kind of see resignation in their eyes. Some determination, but more so, that want for finals to just end. So I suppose it doesn't help that the moment I was done, I pranced. I freaking pranced and danced and twirled to show how happy I was.

But now I don't know what to do with my free time? Oh woe is me. How I am fortune's fool. Perhaps I'll catch a sunbeam or two before being whisked away to the arctic east. Temptations abound to just do nothing, but I now remember one temptation these past days as I sat huddled by my desk looking over obscure facts on German medicine and Prussian wars: how nice it would be to just chain smoke the hours away.

Instead I crocheted and did crossword puzzles to make me feel smart. Free time shouldn't exist. It should only happen when we're pressed for time because that's when all the fun starts.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

And beyond?

Apparently, the UN is hiring a librarian for their Beirut sector, among other positions like secretarial jobs in Zimbabwe where knowledge of Portuguese is an advantage. That and they actually have a position entitled "Scientist." How ridiculously mindblowing is that?

But so it goes, I say. Which I've been saying a lot recently...in my head. People are leaving, people are staying, people are coming. My office boss is trying to convince me to stay for another year at UCSD. Here, I'll have a job, school to keep me busy, and housing to keep me sheltered. But come June, I'll make like a tree and getting the fuck out of here. I'm "over" the school thing, "over" the current job, and am looking forward to newer, scarier things where not all is so clearly set in stone.

But hey, so it goes.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Tonight I write, tomorrow I dance.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Randomosity

I would rather be fighting a giant scorpion with a shell of titanium with only a rusty spoon and a hairbruh for weapons, then have to write a film review or even make an attempt to write my history paper.

I would rather be holding out my hands to have my archenemy, the Green Power Ranger, give me paper cuts then write anything for my history class.

I would rather endure Britney Spears and Fed-Ex's mockery of a reality show "Chaotic" than have to sit this desk any longer.

I would rather do a combination of those above things: fight a scorpion while covered in papercuts and having in-ear pieces that play the audio track from Chaotic on repeat, then have to do homework right now.

It's been four or five months since I wrote an academic paper. Where in the world is my mind? I honestly don't know but I am sure that it's not in my head right now. It's probably off in Jamaica playing limbo with really hot and drunken college chicks, or something. So if anybody does see my useless brain, tell it to stay there. I don't need it. Without it, I am reduced to sleep and that's not something worth complaining about.

In recent news, I went to see Aerosmith for free. Was it worth it? Probably. The ride home was terrible as there was NO ONE whatsoever to direct traffic. So cars crammed into lanes and I just wanted to slash tires. Who the fuck tried to have four lanes merge into one via a corner turn? Ridiculous. Oh, but Steven Tyler was charismatic. I still wonder how his sperm produced Liv Tyler.

I think I'm also developing a taste for beer. I say that because I keep wishing I were at a pub, drinking the afternoon away. And if that isn't a sad outlook on life, I don't know what is. Perhaps if I were to sob into my beer and mutter, "Death, you are my bitch lover!"

I also still don't know what to with my life post-graduation. I'm beginning to think I should have a suggestion box. So please, email me with suggestions. As of June 2007, I will have a bachelor's degree in Sociology and a minor in history. I can also describe to you in full detail of all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Count 'em, SEVEN. Full detail. And if you're sick of me speaking in English, I'll talk to you in Spanish, Vietnamese, and by then, hopefully, Portuguese.

I miss Gang of Four. "Love will get you like a case of Anthrax, and that's something I don't want to catch."

Friday, November 03, 2006

Consolation

I've always been, and probably always will be, a passive-aggressive person. It's just now, at this hour, that I wonder if that's a damaging trait to have. And I'm also wondering how that's going to manifest itself.

I wish three day weekends occurred more frequently. Because I'm a selfish person. I want more time. 24 hours in a day just isn't suffice. I'm not asking for another hour or three. Just another moment. Just one more minute.

Christ, listening to Jeff Buckley at three in the morning is damning. That or damaging, I've yet to decide.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Mellon Collie and the Infinite...

I love tiptoe hugs because they make me feel like I'm trying to reach you. So I have to stand tall, as tall as possible that I might be on the level as you. Because some days, and some times, you just seem faraway. So I love hugs on tiptoes. And I love midday naps where I know the afternoon sun is on my face but the blanket is still wrapped around my legs like a chain to remind me to stay on earth instead of strange far off daydreams. Then there are the sad love songs that make me so happy because I hope that the writer was so incredibly and deeply in love that the loss was that devastating for him to write a song. He carved words from his melancholy and strung his sighs into a melody. And in his kindness, he chose to share his heartache with me.

But I don't love my words, not a bit, because I don't have much to share anymore.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Turn on the bright lights

December 11th until the 14th, I'll be in New York City and hoping the city won't swallow me whole, and even if it did, I don't think I'd mind.

December 14th until the 18th, I'll be flag burning in the Capitol. And by flag burning, I mean, well, wishing that Josiah Bartlett was running president because I'd vote for him in a heartbeat.

I'm so excited that I could just take a nap for 10 weeks until December rolls around but I have a feeling that my atrophied limps won't be able to support the walk from terminal to airport terminal.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Date with the night

Live music is absolutely beautiful. It's even better when the musicians are having a good time because you get to experience their happiness in an audio way. I went to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs last week and Karen O is one crazy bitch on stage and deserves her title of FrontWoman. She exudes insanity and is backed up by insane guitar rifts and beats, so the proof is in the music.

And once more, this was another concert by myself. I'm starting to think all my cool friends are in Seattle, New York or Denver. And speaking of New York, I've been toying with the idea of moving to the City after graduation. So now I'm praying that I can find a job there (please, oh please let this Planned Parenthood internship work out so I can apply for a position at headquarters) and possibly a shanty apartment for a low monthly fee. But all the while, I'll probably starve to death to placate my concert-going desires.

If anything, I just need to master the art of panhandling. "Please, sir, won't you spare me a dime?"

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

100 years of solitude, or just a day

Living on campus is more lonely than I thought it would be. A sea of people and none to talk to. The irony. I am glad Di's around, even though she's off campus. And I'm glad Joanne and Di are my friends--why does this sound like a call for help or a third grade essay?--because I think I would go batshit crazy not being able to curse or say stupid, dirty things and get away with it. I'm surprised we put up with each other's shit as well, like that time they invited me to dinner but did a drive by watergun shooting instead by cornering me and aiming for my crotch. Bitches. But there was that time we lynched Jimmy, Di's teddy bear. And that time, we tricked Joanne into hiking in her flipflops and skirt. So I suppose, tit for tat, bitches. Tit for freaking tat.

I'm lonely because there's no one around. Literally. My roommates aren't home and all the friends that I do have on campus are RA's and they're out and about doing their RA things. And I'm not an RA so goodbye to my involvement in that.

I also went to dinner alone tonight. And as pathetic as that may sound, I didn't mind but it really made me miss Erin and Di, especially from sophomore year when we would go to Ventanas for lunch and then gossip. Twas the life. You would have thought that working for retail for a year and thus having lunch breaks by myself would have toughen me or built my apathy instead of having me reminisce. "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past?" Sure, why not, Gatsby. But here's to drinking to my death tonight after watching what will hopefully be a good terrible movie.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Confused Dahlia

The Black Dahlia equals OMGWTFBBQ?!?!

I'm glad I went with seven other friends to see that movie because together, we were able to piece together the subplots of love triangles, revenge, and murders. And holy shit, let me tell you there were more subplots than the number of fingers on my hands.

Well, maybe if I were awake for certain portions of the film and paid attention to most of the film, I wouldn't be as confused. But seeing a movie after a practically 12 hour work day (where I technically clocked out after hour 9 but stayed to help because all my friends are RAs and thus weren't able to hang out) should have been fun. Just not so mindboggling.

Eric was right, we should have seen the Covenant aka the Craft meets boarding school and replaced with male characters.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Goodbye, halcyon days

Longest weekend ever, I swear. And it's only Friday night. It's move-in weekend for UCSD and I'm caught in the middle of petty drama, like the maintenance staff who have yet to install and build all the beds, parents demanding this and that, students who are adamant on their requests based on misinformation.

Is it Tuesday yet?

In other news, I went to two adult stores tonight. One was a well-lit porn shop complete with video rooms, one emitting a really loud audio of only a woman moaning. The other store was more LGBT friendly, except for the graphic penis pictures. All I have to say is, 15 inches? Sure, we call that photoshop.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Time of the season

Phantom Planet plus the Zombies equals one of the best concerts I've been too, sans from Coachella because you can't list a festival like that alongside these tours. Colin Bluntstone's voice was amazing as ever since the recording of these songs from forty years ago. I couldn't believe the man's vocal cords have withstand the test of time like they did and all of Rod Argent's keyboard solos were stellar. As for PP, I so called it when they played their new, dancier stuff and it's eerie that I could catch so many of the influences on their newer stuff. I blame the current music scene. At least, they're not trying to do any bee bop boop stuff. That'd be just weird, but I think Alex Greenwald has the perfect voice for pop songs, no offense.

So best concert of my life? Not so much as just freaking unbelievable. Now if only the Unicorns and Neutral Milk Hotel would reunite and tour. Life would be sweet as honey then. And if only I could find someone to go with me to these shows, that'd be even better. I'm kind of tired of going to shows by myself because I get so bored between set times. But I do go to more shows than I should because I believe that if a band comes along and you have the time, GO FOR IT! I mean, when else will you have the opportunity? I still regret, to this very moment, that I never got to see Elliott Smith in concert. Thus I have the following bands lined up:
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Minus the Bear
Something for Rockets
Rogue Wave
Saosin (because I'm crazy hardcore like that sometimes.)

P.S. I forgot to mention this but while at the concert, I've decided that I want to live and work in New York after graduation. Or some place that's new and scary. But then again, I make plans but hardly carry them out so yea for craziness!

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Homecoming all over again

I am a terrible driver. But only with passengers. By myself, I'm fine and can multitask but once there's someone sitting besides me, I run redlights and break for no man or speed bump.

From now on, just call me Miss Daisy.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

This will be our year

THE MOTHERFREAKING ZOMBIES ARE COMING TO SAN DIEGO AND THE THREE PEOPLE THAT SHOULD BE GOING WITH ME WILL BE IN LA.
Goddammit Ed and Justin. This is the Zombies. Only Justin would appreciate how effin' sweet it would be to see them. They are my Beatles. They are not THE Beatles, but I love the Zombies as much as the entire world loves the Beatles.

With or without my boys, I am going to see Rod and Colin sing about a summer at Beechwood Park.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

stay away, not today

They can keep their stupid club because I follow in the footsteps of Groucho Marx: I wouldn't want to join any club that would have me as a member. My responsibilities, their duties, two seperate things, but same work space that I don't know where to draw the line. So how am I supposed to know when I'm invited to events when they don't tell me I am? Then it's feign this and faux that. I'm sick of assumptions. And I'm just as sick of their good intentions. They can keep that shit. I just want to do my hours and get the fuck out of there.

Friday, August 25, 2006

I can't sleep.

It's not even late. Okay, fine, it is. Sunrise is in two and a half hours and I'm up listening to the Amelie soundtrack in hopes of, I don't know, something. Like for it to keep me awake because jaunty piano pieces usually do the trick. And if I stay awake, maybe the night can continue and sunrise won't happen because my roommates officially move out as of Friday night. If Friday night doesn't come, they won't/can't move out, right? Right? Their moving out marks the end of our co-ed living and just a nudge closer to the school year. How did three years go by? I think I asked this same question right before my senior year of high school although I was probably more okay with graduating from high school because college was the next step. I mean, you go to college after high school. Step 23 of the American Dream. And in ten months, I move onto step 24, which is...?

I don't know. I really don't.

My world's changing a bit in three days. I know for sure I'll adjust. I think I need the change, keep myself on my toes or whatever analogy.

Happy Birthday Dad. Con khong biet con xe lam cai gi xong di hoc. Ma con xe tim ra. Ba, cho duoc khong?

Saturday, August 12, 2006

What difference does it make?

You know when a friend tells you something about another friend and your initial response is: "Ewww, why did you tell me that??" Not cool is what I have to say about being put in a recent situation as such. And the something in question isn't dirty or gross, just peculiar and I still want to know why the information had to be shared. I guess, when one falls, we all have to fall. Or some pack mentality like that.

I know it's only August but I've been killing myself with thoughts about my last year of college before entering the "real world" and so far, I still don't know what I'm going to do. There are many things I'd like to do, but that's a hop, skip, and long jump away from what I can do. I mean, what are the chances of me being a mad rocket scientist by day and glam rock star by night? Nil. But let's move along to June 2007 when graduation will take place. At the moment, I don't want to walk across the stage to get my diploma. They mail that sucker to you, anyhow. Plus, Marshall College has this wonky notion of letting you walk across the stage with two other people as a nod to your last four, five years and how you could not make it without the assistance of others. Attached to the right and left hand aside, I'd rather not walk to avoid the sweltering June heat, the long assembly, and the trite speeches. Walking is a "sight to be seen" for the mom and pop's but what's the point if they're going to be on stage with you? Then again, maybe I will walk but I wonder if they'll let me walk with a cardboard cut out of Kelly Kapowski and Zack Morris. If not, then Brodie Bruce and Buffy Summers, at the least.

(mundane like the jones)

Monday, August 07, 2006

Born a son

Contrary to popular belief, I am a terrible daughter. And yes, I am admitting to it because I know the validity in it via a recent confirmation. So what to do, what do to?

(All apologies.)

Saturday, August 05, 2006

love will tear us apart

My new cartilage piercing hurts and I want to do something drastic to my hair that will quite possibly leave me regretting my decision. We'll see. I took a trip to Santa Fe last week, and it was full of unbelievable incidents, like monster trucking down a 75 degree incline, eating burgers with green chile (that was a novelty in itself), and seeing the boy. So all things good and nice occurred and now I sit in my room, thinking about my current actions as well as some made many moons ago. I got rehired today at AE and I realize now that I don't want to go back to that place but the cash flow would be nice to fund a trip to Seattle, New York, Japan, and other places. I just have to remember to save it. But current situations aside, I think I'm living a big "I told you so" due to a statement I made in June: This isn't goodbye, just a see you later. I still hold by that statement because I've been seeing people that should have started their lives elsewhere, yet they're in my living room right now.

And come next June, I suppose that's what I'll be telling others. But that's oh so many months from now, and I should probably focus on how I haven't been to a good show in so long.

(Substance.)

Thursday, August 03, 2006

My addiction to sad love songs with melancholy melodies will be the end of me. Since Monday, I've had different lyrics run though my head: They don't love you like I love you. You know I love you so. And I will love you over. Yada yada yada. I know I'm a sap but not to this degree. I blame my recent trip to Santa Fe for instilling this hyper-interest. But then again, I've always been a sucker for sad love songs that this renewed spark shouldn't be a surprise.

(see italized: O, Chris and Dylan.)